


always

by butterpat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, first fic omfg, im sorry this is my fluffy trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-12 22:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3356864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterpat/pseuds/butterpat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>When the world gets too heavy</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Put it on my back</i>
  <br/>
  <i>I'll be your levy</i>
  <br/>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. won't you let me go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Why am I not scared in the morning, I don't hear those voices calling,_   
>  _I must have kicked them out, I must have kicked them out,_   
>  _I swear I heard demons yelling, those crazy words they were spelling,_   
>  _They told me I was gone, they told me I was gone._   
> 

Yamaguchi Tadashi felt like crying.

 

Not the little droplets that you see pretty heroines cry like on TV, mind you. Big, runny nose, bawl-your-heart-out crying that happens in real life. The type of crying you find yourself doing when your dog dies, or you stub your toe. 

Or, in Tadashi’s case, when your team just lost to the Trash King and you couldn’t do anything to help, stuck on the bench useless and alone and the only first year that can’t contribute and just absolutely _worthless_ -

 

 _God_ , he hated himself, and he hated Oikawa Tooru, the asshole with a god complex. _Kageyama was right. He's even worse than I imagined._ The way he taunted Kageyama, the way he toyed with Karasuno like it was a meaningless game, all of these things made Tadashi’s blood boil and his muscles clench and his brain to go haywire since he couldn’t help he couldn’t help his team he couldn’t help beat the Grand King.  _I couldn't do anything I couldn't help I'm useless against someone like him a genius talented not like me not useless and ugly and a waste of space horrible useless tras-_

Most of all, though, he hated how he felt whenever he saw Oikawa. How his chest tightened when he saw that they were playing Seijou that day. It made Tadashi rethink everything he knew. He _thought_ he liked Tsukishima, but compared to the redness in his face when he had to serve and he locked eyes with Oikawa… what he felt around Tsukishima was nothing compared to the Grand King himself. _  
_

_No!_  Tadashi shook his head, clearing his mind of Oikawa. Not only was he busy practicing his jump float serve (which had totally flopped that day), he needed to focus on his studies (he had recently gotten less than average and after a week of beating himself up over it he was determined to score perfect on anything and everything), and NOT focus on the aoba johsai setter that kept crushing Karasuno’s dreams.  Plus, it was easy enough to convince himself that these emotions were just the thrill of competition, and he vowed to make it stay that way. 

 _Don't think about the King like that he crushed your chance he taunted your friends why are you thinking like this you piece of shit trash worthless fool._   _Just remember what Kageyama said_. _Oikawa Tooru is trash and the worst human alive it's as simple as that why is it so hard for you to understand you fool waste of space deserve to die_ _Don’t let your too-big heart make a fool out of yourself again don’t let it don’t let it don’t let id to le-_

 

All these thoughts swirling through his brain made the room spin in front of Yamaguchi’s eyes. The anxiety started to build in his chest, his breaths coming in shallower and shallower. He couldn’t focus. _They're all staring at me they KNOW they know I don't deserve happiness and that I'm a waste of space and that I messed up again yet again what am I even doing why do I even try worthless just worthless._ The once-delicious food was now as appealing as garbage, and even with all his teammates crying around him Tadashi felt alone, broken. He pushed out his chair and started gathering his things, struggling to button his coat with his trembling hands.

 

“Tadashi, wheryagoingf sd?” Said Hinata, with his cheeks stuffed with rice.

 

“I’m.. I’m going… Out. I can’t sit still….i gotta… gotta move.”  _Gotta move get out of here you don't deserve friends you tried to serve you failed you failed big it's all over even Tsukki hates you even more now stupid worthless person that you are you don't deserve friends even Hinata is judging you now how does that make you feel it's all your fault_  -

 

“bu-“

 

“Hinata, _quiet_.” Coach Ukai silenced the first-year’s badgering. “Yamaguchi had a rough day. He tried his serve, it wasn’t stellar, give him some room.”

Yamaguchi had never been more thankful for his coach, even if it was a bit of an insult. _Not even Coach Ukai believes in me proves me right I am a waste of space they only let me on the team to have more player you useless garbage shithead._ The freckled first-year wrapped his scarf around his neck and headed out of the restaurant, trying to ignore the shaking in his shoulders and tears welling up in his eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a decent evening, with the sky a muted pink as the sun set, dipping below the city horizon. Tadashi breathed in the cold, fresh air, enjoying the little white puffs that appeared when he exhaled. _In…. out…..in …… out_ …… Tadashi thanked god for the mini anxiety techniques Sugawara had given him, especially at times likes these.  _Maybe I can stop this anxiety monster from eating me inside out yet again. Maybe..._

 

“Is that… Is that Freckles-chaaan?!?!”

 

Tadashi wanted to duck down, curl into a ball, and never hear that voice again.   _NO no no no n o no n o why why why not now please no why no-_  

_Calm down. Just be calm. You can do this. Remember what Sugawara said. Breathe in breathe out just be calm calm down breath out calm in dow-_

 

Oikawa Tooru, completely oblivious to the dilemma plaguing the first-year, continued his jolly approach, humming the same tune that he did when he served or got really happy. Coincidentally, it was the tune Yamaguchi heard whenever he got extremely anxious, making his attack ten times worse.

Oikawa noticed the tremors in Yamaguchi’s shoulders increase, and he stopped humming. The tremors returned to their already worrying rate.

 

 

“Freckles-chan, why are you on the ground? Isn’t it cold? I’m right here you should be looking up at my beautiful face, obviously, not at the dingy dirty ground~” 

That _stupid_ voice warble at the end of his sentences! All _I’m so cute and perfect kyaaa~~._ The confidence Tadashi would never have. Even if most of his opinions about Oikawa came from Tsukishima and Kageyama, it usually seemed like their opinions were right. He truly was trash, and nothing else.

 

Tadashi didn’t notice, but his focusing on Oikawa’s voice pattern gave him clear thought for the first time since he left the court.

 

“Freckles-chan, I’m right here. Are you alright? You’re acting like Shigeru does when he messes up a quick set…” Oikawa realized his words were doing more harm than good, as Yamaguchi shrunk down even more and his eyes darted around, focusing on everything yet nothing. 

_Why is he looking at me he knows how ugly i am now oh god oh god he's gonna use this to torment me even more make me feel even more worthless than I already do why why why leave me alone let me be i already have a big enough bully and it's anxiety it's tearing me apart help me please NO dont help me I dont deserve help I'm-_

_"_ worthless trash no good you're so dumb and ugly and stupid you don't deserve anything-" Tadashi's thoughts started spilling out of his mouth in hushed whispers, his face slowly turning the same shade at the concrete sidewalk that he was huddled on.

 

Oikawa knew exactly what this was, and he knew how to comfort Shigeru when he got like this. It wasn't perfect, but usually a warm meal and calming words would help Yahaba slowly return to himself. Maybe that could help Freckles-chan, too.

 

“Hup!!” without warning, Oikawa grabbed Tadashi’s shoulders and pulled him out of the nearly-fetal position that he had unconsciously shrunken into. “You look so cold and shivering, oh no! I know a cute little restaurant nearby, that way you can warm up, Freckles-chan.”

 _Why is he grabbing onto me he's touching my dirty useless self why is he being nice I don't understand. What? Restaurant? Now?_ Yamaguchi's hurried thoughts slowly calmed down and returned to a normal rate.  _  
_

"Uh.... okay, I guess. We can go if you want" Oikawa could barely hear Tadashi; he was speaking so quietly. He saw the freckled first-year's head give a slight nod, and the third-year felt himself relax as well. Maybe he really could help Freckles-chan, after all.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Are you going to eat your fries, Freckles-chan?”

 

“n..No.”  _Can he tell my hands are sweating my head is spinning my shoulders are shaking why am I so nervous why isn't he being mean I dont understand. dont understand it at all._

 

“Are you sureee?” 

 

“…..Yes.”  _Was that the right way to respond did I do this right does he realize how worthless I am yet why is he so nice where is the asshole we played against this afternoon why is he helping me? why?_

 

“More for me then!” Oikawa doesn’t bother with any more formalities as he helps himself to Yamaguchi’s untouched plate of food. The conversation hasn’t improved one bit since they sat down half an hour ago, mainly due to Yamaguchi trying to avoid eye contact with Oikawa as much as possible.

 

Tadashi kept wringing his hands underneath the table. Can he tell that just ordering the food gave Yamaguchi a minor panic attack? Usually his anxiety was mellow, but around strangers, _especially_ strangers named Oikawa Tooru, it jumped up to new heights that Yamaguchi wished he never experienced.  _Please calm down you have to calm down you HAVE to or else this is all ruined you have to make a good impression if you don't you fail you've already failed can't you tell-_ _  
_

Not only was the environment contributing to his anxiety, it was also Oikawa’s kindness. Kageyama only talked about Oikawa as if he was the king of all things rotten, and from what he saw in games, Tadashi would say the same thing. 

But now, Oikawa was different. He seemed… human. Comforting. Tadashi felt his muscles unclench, and his eyes were finally able to begin to focus on the actual restaurant and not the twisted caricature of a room his anxiety had created. 

 

“Freckles-chan, I love love love your little hair antenna~. Can you use it to contact aliens?”

Okay, so maybe Oikawa wasn’t entirely human.

 

Oikawa continued to inhale Yamaguchi’s food at an alarming rate. With his newfound clarity, Yamaguchi used the anxiety-free moments to study the third-year.

 

Now might not have been the best time to study the setter, since at the moment his mouth was covered in ketchup and sauce from the burger and he didn’t seem to notice. However, there was still plenty of Oikawa to enjoy minus his horrid eating habits. The way his hair curved in a way that defied the laws of nature, the way his face defied the laws of beauty. HIs lanky but defined muscles moving under his tracksuit as he reached for yet another fry. His eyes glancing at Yamaguchi every so often, his face crinkling into a friendly smile as he shoved his mouth full of food. 

_Maybe Kageyama was wrong. Maybe this guy isn't bad at all._

 

Yamaguchi finally started to relax, his shoulders unclenching and his face softening into a less frozen expression. Oikawa took notice, happy that the first-year didn't seem to be in as much pain as before. They looked at each other for a few moments, with the air of strangers slowly learning more about each other just by being in the same room.

A loud growl came from Tadashi's stomach, destroying the quiet. 

_Oh no he heard it he hear my stomach growl what do I do wh-_

 

"Freckles-chan, could it be that now that you've calmed down, you finally realized you were hungry?" Oikawa worked hard not to laugh, knowing that the last time he laughed in a situation like this, Shigeru threw a volleyball at him and started to cry. "It's okay, here."

 

He pushed the plate of half-eaten food back towards Yamaguchi, who look surprised. Usually when something like this happened, Tsukishima or Nishinoya would burst out laughing, making him feel even worse than before. This kindness... he didn't know how to process it. _  
_

"Uhm.. thank you..." The first-years voice nearly cracked, and his face turned the same shade of red as the ketchup on the burger in front of him. 

 

"No problem, Freckles-chan. Eat up, you deserve it after such a good game today."

 

Yamaguchi didn't need to be told twice. He dug in, wolfing down what was left of the burger and fries in mere minutes. 

 

Oikawa smiled, enjoying the first-year's antics. This guy was too cute, what with his freckles and adorable hair that stuck up in random places. He was nothing like Iwaizumi, which was a blessing. Tooru dealt with too many loudmouths every day, so to enjoy his favorite restaurant with a boy that made his heart melt was a breath of fresh air. No need to put on his trash façade around this guy. 

 

Yamaguchi licked the sauce off of his fingers, the only thing remaining of the burger being a few crumbs. The fries were all but gone, and Oikawa let out a soft chuckle at the scene.

 

"Were you hungry, Freckles-chan?"

 

"My.. my name is Yamaguchi... and yes... I was."

 

"That's good! I'm glad you got to eat, then... Yama-chan"

 

"....yeah.. me too." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nice nice so the first chapter is DONE aka my first chapter of a fice ever omfg hope yall like it. I tried to play off of what I experience with anxiety to create Yamaguchi's panic attacks.


	2. come a little closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Heartbreaks, the heavy world's upon your shoulders_   
>  _Will we burn or we just smolder_   
>  _Somehow I know I'll find you there_   
>  _Oooh, I wanna see if you can change it, change it_   
>  _Still I know I'll see you there_   
> 

Anxiety was like the friend that stabbed you in the back with a smile so sickly sweet your stomach churned at the thought of it. Yamaguchi knew it well, too well for someone his age.

 

He experienced his first panic attack at the age of seven, when he didn’t get full marks on his multiplication test. After receiving it, and seeing the look on his mother’s face, Yamaguchi’s memory goes blanker than his mind during the exam.

_I was cold… alone…. I knew then, how worthless I was. How pathetic. Stupid, disgusting, worth no love not even from myself horrible piece of shit tras-_

Tsukishima’s sour tone always seemed to creep in when Tadashi’s anxiety took over his brain. It wasn’t like Yamaguchi to use such words in daily life; he just kept it all in, holding his true emotions close to his chest and shoving them down so deep that they festered in his heart.

 

Sitting there, waiting, growing stronger, until an event would trigger them and _BAM_ they were free.

 

Free to torment Yamaguchi and to swarm his brain, free to attack any insecurities and ready to make a catastrophe out of any and every event that would cross Tadashi’s path.

 

 _You aren’t worth shit,_ the voice would say, snaking around Yamaguchi’s conscience and sinking its fangs in deep. _You’re useless. Disgusting._

 

And Yamaguchi would agree.

 

* * *

 

 

The past kept flashing back to Tadashi, even as he tried to focus on Oikawa sitting across from him. _Why is it coming back now?_

 

_Because you finally calmed down truly in over eight years. You don’t deserve the happiness this guy is giving you, you worthless piece of shit trash fucker go die you can’t even order a burger without fucking up your anxiety is in your past it’s in your present you cant escape it it’s always there you cant run piece of worthless shit fu-_

“Yama-chan…?” Yamaguchi snapped out of his mini attack and looked up, meeting the eyes of one very worried Oikawa Tooru.

 

“Yama-chan, if you’re not feeling well, we can skip dessert and I can take you home or wherever you need to be. I know Shigeru doesn’t always do well in public situations when he gets all antsy as well…”

 

Tadashi knew Oikawa was trying to help, but his heart hurt whenever the third-year mentioned Yahaba. _Does he take him out to calm him down as well? Am I not special? Am I right in thinking that I’m no good and not worth his time?_

Yamaguchi’s heart ached in response. _This hurts worse than when I try and make a joke and Tsukki says “pathetic” oh god what am I even doing I need to focus on my anxiety not add another problem to my infinite list. Especially a problem named Oikawa Tooru._

As if hearing his name, Tooru’s face shifted in emotion, barely perceptible. _Is that… relief… or worry?_

 

“Are you getting your thoughts in order, Yama-chan? When we first got here, your face was all like this~” Oikawa scrunched up his perfect brows into a caricature of fear and worry.

 

_Don’t remind me I know I’m ugly and useless don’t make fun of me like Tsukki does I can’t handle two sadists in my life not right now I need to calm down calm do-_

“Uh… Yeah… I guess. I feel a bit better.” _Was that the right thing to say? Did I say it right did I make enough eye contact was I stammering too much can he tell how panicked I am what if he hates me wha-_

“Good! Now your face is much cuter. You’re like a little doll, Yama-chan. I wish you were on my team so I could have a cute first-year under my wing,” Oikawa let out a huff that Yamaguchi assumed was some sort of laugh. ”Not like Kindaichi or Kunimi, assholes.”

This time, Tadashi felt his face cracking into a smile, the first true one that day.

 

“Maybe their just assholes because they want to respect you as a captain and not as a person, Oikawa.”

 

Oikawa leaned back in his chair, lost in thought for a second. _Did I say something wrong? He looks concerned what if I messed up agai-_

Yamaguchi’s thoughts were cut off by as Oikawa burst into laughter. _Wait. What?_

“Yama-chan, you’re so cute and optimistic. They obviously respect me already, what with my gorgeous looks and superb serves. They’re just assholes cuz they’re jea-luh-ous.” Oikawa drew out the last word, a playful look on his face.

 

Tadashi felt himself smiling again. _He might have a bit of an… eccentric personality, but you can tell he means well._ The last of Tadashi’s anxiety melted away, and he found himself enjoying talking to Oikawa, having more fun than he had experienced in ages.

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of the dinner was a blur of happiness and enjoyment. Tadashi learned that Oikawa was a “mentor” (men-TOOL, Oikawa called it) to Kageyama back in middle school. Tooru had a _lot_ of stories about young Tobio-chan.

 

“And then… He drops his juice box after he slipped on the court, and it goes SPLAT and juice gets all over me and messes up my hair and you know what he does? Tobio-chan just fricken starts cRYING but not about me, oh no. He’s crying about his _juice_. His stupid, _stupid,_ JUICE.” Oikawa huffed and crossed his arms, a look of mock horror settling on his animated face.

 

“He didn’t even have the decency to worry about ME. The one with JUICE in his goddamn HAIR. I had promised some girls a photo op that afternoon and I had to cancel! Oh, the horror!” Oikawa held a hand to his forehead, clearly reliving a traumatic experience, even it was scarring only to his hair.

 

Nevertheless, Oikawa’s 4D personality made for some great stories. Yamaguchi learned about “Iwa-chan”, the scary looking but extremely handsome wingman to Oikawa, and how much of an asshole he apparently was. He learned that Kindaichi kept a bottle of hair gel in the locker room “just in case a cute girl came by and he had to fix his turnip hair.”

 

Not only did Tadashi learn about Tooru’s teammates, he also learned about the setter himself.

 

“Okay, so I’ll tell you something about myself, and you tell me something in return, Yama-chan.”

 

 _Oh god he’s gonna find out how boring I am._ “Uhm.. okay…. You first, I guess.”

 

Oikawa leaned forward, his chin resting in his palm and a playful grin creeping up on his already smirking mouth.

 

“Okay….. Yama-chan, did you know I love English music?”

 

Yamaguchi nearly spit out his water all over his dessert (their second dessert so far, acutally. The waitstaff was getting sick of their chit chat without acutally ordering anything else.)

 

“Really? Gee, Oikawa, is it even that good?”

 

“Yama-chan, clearly a musical novice such as yourself shouldn’t be questioning the refined taste of a man well versed in the culture of American music.” Oikawa pretended to stroke an imaginary beard, and Yamaguchi nearly burst out laughing at the thought of a monk Oikawa living alone in the mountains, with only his vast music collection to keep him company.

 

“Some of the music, my dear Yama-chan, is pretty shitty. I mean, these American boy bands are nothing compared to the splendor of Kpop. However, certain artists have their charm.” Oikawa began digging around in the pockets of his pastel tracksuit.

 

_What’s he doing? Hopefully not going to show me one of the godawful boy bands he keeps complaining about. Maybe he’s just jealous of their fans or something._

“Aha!” Oikawa pulled out an extremely knotted pair of earphones, and handed them to Yamaguchi. “Be a dear and straighten these out, Yama-chan, while I pay.”

 

“Wait, are you sure you’re paying? You’ve helped me so much already tonight, the least I can do is-“

 

“Shhhhh…… shshshhshshshhhhhh, my tiny Yama-chan.” Oikawa was already pulling out his wallet from yet another seemingly bottomless pocket. “You’ve given me such a great break from my problematic team. Don’t worry about paying, I’ve got it covered~”

 

“Hrrmph. Fine. If we ever get together again, please let me pay, Oikawa. Please. I don’t want to be in your debt.” _Wait…. What did I just say? Get together AGAIN? What am I thinking how is he gonna respond shit I messed up crap not again I’m worthless-_

“Of course, Yama-chan. Next time we get together and hang out, I’ll let you choose where to eat, and THEN you can pay. Until then…” Oikawa tapped his chin with his wallet. “I’m going to pay and you will shush and enjoy my god-like generosity.”

 

Yamaguchi’s face relaxed into a grin that he was sure looked silly to any outsiders watching over the scene.

 

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

It took nearly the entire time that Oikawa paid for Yamguchi to untangle the mess that the third-year considered to be headphones. Much to his chagrin, he saw that the waitress wasted no time in giving Oikawa the eyes of a maiden madly in love. It didn't help his heart any more when Oikawa returned the glance with a flirtatious flip of his hair and the lowering of his lids in a smoldering stare.

 

Tadashi's doubts were cleared, however, when the waitress left and Oikawa made a gagging motion that only the first-year could notice.

 

As they left the restaurant, the night sky had darkened to a deep purple, with grey clouds swirling into beautiful patterns that could never be mimicked. The trees lining the street had been wrapped in strands and strands of twinkling lights, and the town itself was bustling with joyous faces and an air of contentment. 

"Thank you for untangling those, Yama-chan. You're a lifesaver." Oikawa pulled out his phone and started scrolling, clearly looking for something important. "Aha! Found it."

He handed an earbud to Yamaguchi. "Here, Yama-chan. Prepare to have your mind blown by this sweet, sweet melody."

 

_He wants me... to share earbuds with him? Won't people notice? What if they stare I can't have people staring at me not now I was doing so well but I don't think I can do this anymore oh no oh no o-_

"It's okay, you don't have to worry about what people think, Yama-chan," Oikawa said, as if reading Tadashi's mind. "They'll be too busy staring at my beautiful face and professional-grade dance moves to pay attention to anything you do." 

 

Yamaguchi shrugged. "Sure, okay."  _Wow, that was easier to agree with him than I thought. Oikawa is a blessing in not-too-good-of-a-disguise._ He took the earbud Oikawa had handed to him and placed it in his ear, vaguely aware that they now looked like one of the many couples meandering down Main Street that night.

 

"And... prepare to be amazed.." Oikawa made his voice sound like a tv announcer. "Ready... set...  _play._ "

 

A funky beat, unlike one Yamaguchi had ever heard before, filled his right ear.  _Hey, this isn't half-bad at all_. 

 

The singer started to croon in Yamaguchi's ear. He looked at Oikawa, who was mouthing the words and bopping his head to the beat. Clearly the third-year had heard this song enough to know all the parts by heart.

_this hit_

_that ice cold_

_Michelle Pfeiffer_

_that White Gold_

 

Yamaguchi tried paying attention to the lyrics, but gave up and started to enjoy Oikawa's antics, as the setter began to transition from a simple head bop to a full on body roll. 

"Girls hit your Hallelujah- Wooh!" Oikawa was in his own world, and Yamaguchi couldn't help but smile like a fool at the sight.

"Come on, Yama-chan. Do the 'woohs!' with me, pleaase~"

 

Without even one thought as to what people might think, Yamaguchi nodded his head and focused on the song.

 

"Girls hit your- Yama-chan your turn GO!" Oikawa pointed at Yamaguchi, his face lighting up with the joy of sharing something precious to him with the freckled first-year.

" _Woooh!!_ " Yamaguchi let out the note, his face turning red. Oikawa's smile and thumbs up made it worth it, though. 

 

"CUZ UPTOWN FUNK IS GONNA GIVE IT TO YA-" Oikawa started to really get into it now. Paying no attention to the people around him, he broke out into full dancing mode, clearly forgetting that the earbud was also in Yamaguchi's ear.

 

"DON'T BELIEVE ME JUST WA-" With one final yank, Oikawa spun around, pulling Yamaguchi towards him on accident due to the earbud in the first-year's ear. 

 

" _OOF_!"

 

Yamaguchi felt himself fall, and his vision seemed to be obstructed by something. _Oh_.... _soft._

 

"Yama-kun, are you all right?" The voice came from above. Yamauchi looked up, to see Oikawa glancing down, his face so full of worry Tadashi felt his heart stutter. 

"Yeah.. I'm fine, Oikawa, thanks for asking."  _Oh... I landed in Oikawa's arms... huh._

 

_Wait._

_His arms._

_Holy shit oh ym god shit shit sihtis thisht ishtisht ishtihsith-_

 

Yamaguchi's face reddened faster than the traffic light did as the cars screeched to a stop. His heart was thumping, palms sweating. What was this? He had bumped into Tsukishima countless times, but he never reacted like  _this_. Whatever this was, he couldn't tell if he liked it.

Trouble breathing, world spinning, all Yamaguchi could focus on was the soft warmth of Oikawa's embrace. He felt the setter's breath ruffle his hair, his arms tighten slightly around the first-year. 

 

This was the most comfortable place Yamaguchi ever knew. He didn't want it to end.

 

* * *

 

 

Oikawa took a few moments before regaining his composure and starting to let go of Tadashi. Both of their faces were flushed with embarrassment and something else, and neither could look each other in the eye. 

 

What seemed like minutes passed. Oikawa was the first to speak.

 

"I'm  _SO_ sorry Yama-chan, I totally forgot you were listening too, and then I got really into it, and I spun, and oh no I'm really  _really_ sorry please forgive meeee..." Oikawa's arms gently helped Yamaguchi back to a standing position, instead of buried into Oikawa's (albeit extremely comfortable) hug. 

"No... it's okay. Don't worry, Oikawa. I'm alright." Yamaguchi smiled at the third-year, hoping to calm some of Oikawa's nerves down.  _Huh. Never thought I would be the one calming someone ELSE down._

"Are you sure..?" Oikawa's shoulders relaxed, but his face was still blushing hard and twisted with concern for Yamaguchi. 

"Yes, I'm positive. Fit as a fiddle, see?" Yamaguchi spun around, giving Oikawa physical reassurance that he was, in fact, totally fine.  _More than fine, actually_ , he thought as his face turned even redder.

 

Oikawa sighed with relief, his face finally resting from it's scrunched-up, paranoid expression. "That's good to hear, Yama-chan. I wouldn't want to hurt someone, especially someone as cute and nice as you."

 

Yamaguchi's face turned even redder, something he didn't think possible. "Yeah... thanks for breaking my fall though." 

 

"You're welcome, Yama-chan~. Any excuse to hug you, of course!" Oikawa seemed to change all of a sudden, his annoying voice warble coming back and his trashy manner of speaking creeping back into his voice. 

 

 

_Is he okay? He was acting fine before. Did I do something did I mess up again oh god what if I fucked everything up again it's all your faul-_

 

"Anyways, Yama-chan, I have to get going no-oow~. But first," Oikawa handed Yamaguchi his phone, "add yourself as a contact that way I can have you keep track of Tobio-chan and report what he does to meee~."

 

"Uhm... sure... okay I guess." Oikawa was like a completely different person all of a sudden. Gone was the kind third-year Yamaguchi had hung out with all night, replaced by the Grand King that Kageyama hated with a passion.

Yamaguchi hurridly typed in his phone number as Oikawa did the same to Yamaguchi's phone. "Uhm.. if I ever have a panic attack again, I'll call you, Oikawa. You helped more than anyone has ever been able to before, and I don't know how to thank you."

 

Oikawa's façade momentarily faltered, revealing the setter that Yamaguchi had gotten to know at dinner. 

"Yes... Yes of course Yama-chan! Ahaha! Why wouldn't you want to get the help of someone as perfect as me of course~. It's a no-brainerrrr~."

 

_He really is acting weird all of a sudden. Maybe I'll ask Kageyama if this ever happened in middle school when I see him tomorrow at afternoon practice._

 

"Well, bye, Oikawa. It was nice seeing you, and thanks again."

 

"Bye, Freckles-chan. I hope I get to see you and your cute face some other time~. Maybe I'll even give you a photo opportunity or something for fuh-ree~!" Oikawa waved and nearly ran away, leaving Yamaguchi watching the setter disappear into the crowds walking down Main Street. 

 

 _Damn, that was weird. Huh._ Yamaguchi realized how tired he was, as he broke into a yawn and stretched his back out for a few good moments, feeling his joints crack in relief. Shrugging, he headed off back towards the restaurant where he left Karasuno, his face still blushing at the memory of what had just happened.

 

And unbeknownst to him, Oikawa was blushing too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooh! after the intensity of Yamaguchi's attack last chapter, I wanted to add some fluff to make my otp feels explode into a million pieces of joy. And yes, it's my headcanon that Oikawa loves uptown funk and has a dance to it. (i even made a video on tumblr omfg). And...tjhey hUGGED?! Y E S


	3. House Of Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Let's say we up and left this town,_   
>  _And turned our future upside down._   
>  _We'll make pretend that you and me,_   
>  _Lived ever after happily._   
> 

_Do I call him first do I what if he doesn’t like that this is why you’re useless Tadashi a useless idiot stupid stu-_

“Yamaguchi, I can hear your brain frying from across the room. What the hell is up with you nowadays?” Tsukishima was sprawled across Yamaguchi’s bed, eating chips and listening to god knows what coming out of his headphones. Yamaguchi stopped his relentless pacing across the carpet and looked at Tsukishima, the freckled first-year's eyes bright with fear.

 

“..wuh…. _what?!_ What makes you think something is  _wrong_? There's nothing wrong. I'm a-ok. The best I've ever been. Hahaha!” Tadashi’s fake laughter hurt even his own ears. _I can't keep hiding this while Tsukishima keeps prodding for information. Damnit! If only I could fake a smile like Oikawa does._

Just the thought of the setter made his heart pang strangely. 

 

There was no way Yamaguchi could continue to lie to Tsukishima. He need to change the subject, _fast._ Tadashi marched over to Tsukishima and yanked the bag of chips out of his already greasy hands.

 

“J…Jesus Tsukki, don’t get chip grease all over my bed. You know my family hates that.” _Smart, turn the conversation to Tsukki. He loves talking about himself. And please God p_ _lease don’t bring have him bring up my stress again please don’t you can’t help me with this no one can he’s the fricking enemy you’d rather kill yourself than help me with a silly crush-_

“They have literally never said that. Besides,” Tsukishima smirked, “Your mom loves me so much, she gets a hard-on when I walk into the room. It's such a pain, really. How can I ever tell her that my heart is stolen by someone else, oh my,” Tsukishima's voice got more and more sing-songy as he clutched his hands over his heart, eyelids fluttering. 

 

Yamaguchi’s response was to throw a pillow at Tsukishima and storm out of the room instead of continuing the conversation.

 

“You’re stuck with me forever, Tadashi~” Tsukishima’s voice carried all the way across the hall, sounding unnaturally familiar. Yamaguchi started to see red. 

 

_OH NO IT’S THE VOICE WARBLE THAT OIKAWA DOES NO NO WHY DON’T REMIND ME OF HIM I CANT BELIEVE I FELL INTO HIS ARMS SHIT WHY DO I DO THIS WHATS THE POINT IM SUCH TRASH SUCH SHIT TRA-_

As if on cue, Yamaguchi’s phone screen lit up.

<Incoming Call From “Oikawa-Kuuun~ love love (^w^)~”>

 

 _Is that what he set his name as? How has he not been brutally murdered by his teammates yet?_ Even if Tadashi had seen the more calm version of Oikawa the night before, he was still more accustomed to the Grand King’s trashy persona, the one that everyone one else experienced. 

 

 _Except for me._ Yamaguchi’s face burned with what was either embarrassment or joy, and he was glad he had left the room that Kei was in. Tsukishima would have never let him hear the end of this. He was acting like a middle school girl, for crying out loud!

 

_Just talk for now. Sugawara was helping you talk to people before. You went on countless outings with the team to practice talking in public. Just a simple phone call won’t hurt I promise I promise I promise I –_

 

<Call Accepted>

 

* * *

 

“Yama-chaaaaaaaan, are you theeere?~” Yamaguchi flinched away from the phone, holding it an arm's distance away from his ear.  _God, his voice can be annoying sometimes._

 

“Y… yeah… yeah I’m here. What’s.. wuh… what’s up, Oika… kawa?” _SHIT I stuttered did he notice oh god this is the end my life is over I’m never talking again I’m useless stupi-_

“You didn’t use any honorifics again, Yama-chan. You’re much too cute when you do that, though, so I’ll let it slide.” Oikawa was teasing him again, of course. It was much more harmless teasing than compared to, well, Tsukishima in the room over, but it still caused a pang in Yamaguchi’s chest.  _Didn't Oikawa know how much teasing affects me? He has to understand, especially since he deals with Shigeru and his anxiety..._

 

“Oops, sorry! I forgot that you asked me not to tease you. I’m still learning, Yama-chan, please be easy on me while I get the hang of this. I’m always teasing everyone, and I’m sorry if I cause you more stess because of it…” Oikawa’s voice got quieter and slower, as if he was thinking harder about what he was saying.

 

 _He remembered? Wow… Tsukishima never remembers, and I’ve been telling him to stop ever since we first met_.

 

“Anyways, Yama-chan, the reason I was calling was because I was wondering if you wanted to go to a… drum roll please…”

 

Silence followed for a few moments before Oikawa broke the tension. 

 

“Damnit Yama-chan, I wanted to you do a drum roll.” He let out a small huff that Tadashi could barely hear over the phone, but it didn’t take much guessing to imagine the pout on Oikawa’s lips as he spoke.

 

“Uhm… dundundudnudndudndudn…” Yamaguchi quietly drummed against the wall, praying that Tsukishima didn’t hear him making a fool of himself. God, how was Oikawa taking this so seriously?  _If I acted like Oikawa does every day, I would break down constantly._

 

“Thank you , Yama-chan, for that wonderful building of suspense. Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for… ah, yes! I was wondering if you would like to go to a movie with mee~”

 

_-CRASH!!-_

Yamaguchi dropped the phone, resulting in the loudest sound he had ever heard.

 

“What the fUCK?!” Tsukishima raced out of Yamaguchi’s bedroom, empty bag of chips in hand and crumbs flying everywhere. When he saw how red Yamaguchi's face was, he burst out laughing, chip crumbs spewing out of his mouth. 

 

Yamaguchi scrambled to pick up the phone, his face burning up, putting it to his ear just in time to make out the end of Oikawa's sentence.

 

“-was that? Yama-chan, is someone there?”

 

“No… NO! Uhm.. don’t worry, it was just my friend. He freaked out because of the noise from when I dropped the phone.” _More like I freaked out and he just stood and laughed at me._ Tsukishima narrowed his eyes at Tadashi’s emphasis on the word _friend_ , clearly aware that something was going on.

 

“Oh, Yama-chan, you’re such a k-l-u-t-z.” Oikawa spelled out the last bit, a joking tone in his voice, and Yamaguchi turned five shades redder than he already was.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I guess I am… hang on-“ Tadashi turned to Tsukishima, who was still doubled over and wheezing from laughter.

 

"Yamaguchi... you.. you fucking.. IDIOT BWHAHAHAHA!!!" Tears streamed down Tsukishima's face as he nearly fell to the floor. "This is too FUNNY oh my god I have to tell Tanaka that Yamaguchi was on the phone all secret and fucking DROPPED it PFFFFTHAHAHAHAH!!" 

 

“Tsukki.... get....... _out_. Why are you even still here? Hinata and Kageyama left ages ago.” Yamaguchi was dying of embarrassment. Why was he even friends with Kei?

 

Tsukishima shrugged, finally regaining his composure. “I dunno, I wanted to let the two lovebirds be. Pathetic.” He tsked, but a smile danced at the corners of his lips again. 

 

“Whatever you say, just .. .get OUT!!” Yamaguchi pushed the blonde first-year through the front door and on his merry way. Tsukishima waved goodbye as Yamaguchi slammed the door in his face.  _Why did he bring up Hinata and Kageyama as if they were going out? No… it couldn’t be…._

“Yama-chan, are you still there?”

 

Oikawa’s voice snapped Yamaguchi out of his momentary daze.

 

“y..Yeah I am! I’m still here. Sorry for the delay. I uhm.. “ Yamaguchi struggled for the words. “I had some friends over after school and some were… reluctant to leave, to say the least.”

 

 _Good enough explanation for now. I can’t say anything about Tsukishima being over almost every day without it sounding like we’re going out or something, and that’s the LAST thing I want Oikawa to think_.

 

“Anyways, Oikawa, what were you saying about a… movie?” Tadashi’s heart thumped even faster at the thought, ready to burst out of his ribcage at any moment.

 

“Yeah, a movie, Yama-chan!” Oikawa’s voice brightened, clearly excited about what he was about to say. “The Seijou team was going, but Matsukawa and Hanamaki couldn’t go, boo-hoo, so we decided to invited two people from Karasuno!”

 

Yamaguchi’s heart fell. _Not a date after all, huh._ For some reason, this hurt more than when Tsukishima was laughing at him.

 

“So Iwa-chan invited Sugawara because he thought that Suga-chan and Shigeru would get along swimmingly, and I got to invite you, my favorite person~.”

 

_He’s getting the voice warble again. That always seems to happen whenever he gets nervous. Does he fall back to his trash façade whenever he gets panicked?_

 

“We’re gonna meet up at the outdoor mall at noon. Wear your cutest clothes! I want to see you all dressed up, Yama-chan. You better make my heart go doki-doki!”

 

Yamaguchi heart raced so fast that he nearly dropped the phone again. _Doki-Doki? What does that even mean? I'll have to ask Hinata, he always makes weird sounds like that... and I’m gonna have to ask Kiyoko or Daichi for help on dressing nicer. Maybe Sugawara can help, too_.

 

“Yeah, I'll....I’ll do my best, Oikawa, to uhm… make your heart go… doki-doki…” _oh god._ Yamaguchi could barely get the words out, he was so embarrassed. He covered his blushing face, even if Oikawa couldn’t see it from the other end of the phone call.

 

“It’s all set then, Yama-chan! I’ll text you the address, and a photo of what I will be wearing, so we can ma-aatch.”

 

“O…okay…”

 

“Bai-bai!~”

 

<Call Ended>

 

* * *

 

 

Yamaguchi let out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding until the phone call was over. He slid down the wall until he was sitting, too dumbstruck by the conversation he just had with Oikawa to stand. 

 

_Doki-doki, huh….._

 

A silly grin crept over Tadashi’s face. _Oh damn._ He had to start planning for tomorrow, get his outfit ready, finalize the details with Oikawa. 

 _You're acting like a silly girl again_ , Tadashi's brain scolded him. 

Yamaguchi didn't mind, though. He was too excited for the movies.

 

Maybe it was okay to act like a middle school girl, after all.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took longer than the other chapter! I've been hella busy with school. Anyways, the nest chapter is gonna be the movie outing (im joking its totally a date who am i kidding). Yamaguchi's anxiety has been calmed down the past few chapters, but it's definitely gonna make some more appearances and affect his relationship with his friends, especially Oikawa. Hopefully I can finished the next chapter soon enough~

**Author's Note:**

> oiyama is my otp tbh. enjoy the fluff + sometimes sad.


End file.
